Even though the idea was new and thrilling, I still found it quite unsettling. Sure, I’d done some impulsive things before, like practically shaving all my hair off and bleaching the remains strawberry blonde with some leftover bleach from my friend’s green dye job, not to mention wearing a gold tinsel wig throughout the last day of school before the Christmas holidays. But a tattoo seemed way more "badass" (for lack of a better word) than anything I had ever done before. Somehow, walking into a tattoo shop and forking over my cash to let someone permanently engrave a design onto my skin seemed like a huge commitment, not something to be done on impulse. And it freaked the hell out of me. I tried to get the thought out of my head, reminding myself what a fickle person I am, and how it was very likely that I would just convince myself that I absolutely loved a design, only to come to hate it with a passion later on and regret the tattoo for the rest of my life. This seemed like such a horrible prospect that I was sure it would get that crazy idea out of my head.

But somehow, I just couldn’t. The urge was still there, like an itch that I couldn’t scratch, and it was driving me crazy. So I decided that if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. I was going to look for a design that I liked and keep it in mind for any future tattoo opportunities. I must’ve looked through every single tattoo website on the internet, but in the end the only designs I could come up with was a gecko and the Sagittarius glyph, along with some generic lower back heart and butterfly tribal pieces. Original, huh? And although these were cute and everything, they just didn’t satisfy me. It wasn’t what I was looking for. Did I like them? Yes. Did I want them imprinted upon my skin for the rest of my life? Not exactly. Why couldn’t people come up with more original tattoo ideas? This was so frustrating.

It wasn’t until we moved back to Nicaragua, and I started watching the show Miami Ink (which wasn't broadcasted on Canadian cable), that it hit me that tattoos should be custom pieces that fit you and only you, and that have a specific meaning or story behind them. They shouldn’t just be a random drawing you suddenly decided you wanted on your skin. The show opened my eyes to a whole new way of looking at tattoos. They’re not just a badass way to rebel and to do something different. They’re an amazing type of art (on the show I saw some of the most gorgeous tattoos I’ve ever seen), a form of self-expression, and a very intimate, personal portrayal of yourself and the different lessons you learn throughout your life. This really hit home.

At that time, I was going through new experiences, living a life that I had only previously imagined, stepping out of my comfort zone and reaping the benefits, as well as learning how to deal with my mistakes as I got to know different kinds of people. I was transforming into a whole new person that I never in my wildest dreams thought I could be, discovering a side of my personality that I had hidden from myself by being shy and unsociable. It took me a while, and several enormous blunders, to find the correct balance between the person I used to be and the person I was becoming, and it was an incredibly rough and painful passage, full of embarrassing experiences regarding substance abuse and deceitful people. When I look back I realize I came very close to destroying myself, but I made it through, and I felt more experienced than ever before. It was the first time I had actually learned a lesson that would stick with me for the rest of my life, and I had taken this huge step all by myself. Sure, I had the support of my family and friends, but in the end the one that had to take everything that had happened, analyze it, and learn the lesson, was me. I learned that you can’t control what life sends your way, but you definitely hold the power over how you handle it. No one could figure out this seemingly uncomplicated lesson for me. I had to do it for myself. And I did okay. It showed me an inner strength that I didn’t know I possessed, and I had never felt so powerful and so in-control of everything.